I haven’t seen anyone talk about inner safety specifically in regards to OCD and its treatment, despite how crucial (actually, necessary) it is for maintaining OCD dormant in the long run (as it always was, as everything remains dormant as a possibility until it is awakened [hint ;)]). In fact, it is not a missing piece, but a cornerstone.
Before we begin, I want two things very clear to you:
1) I am NOT a licensed mental health professional and I am NOT a medical doctor: I am speaking from my firsthand years-long experience with OCD. My own experience, self-guided research, and consultation with professionals have all shaped my understanding of OCD, and I’m sharing it with you in the hopes of someone finding it useful to see OCD and its treatment talked about in this new way—in a way that the individual may relate to, understand, and apply.
2) This post mentions, in detail, the thoughts that an OCD suffer may experience. If you find this type of talk triggering or believe it will exacerbate your own symptoms, please, finish reading this last paragraph and revisit this post on later date or proceed reading with caution: if this applies, to you, I strongly suggest that you find someone who you trust in to summarize this post to you or to read it with you, or that you read this when you are further into your own recovery.
Now, let’s get to it! First, let’s look at WHY I emphasize inner safety for OCD treatment, and then I’ll show you HOW to apply (embody) it.
To start,
why is inner safety sooo important, anyway? Isn’t ERP (Exposure & Response Prevention) the most effective treatment there is for OCD? Well, yes, ERP is, as of today, considered the gold standard for OCD, being effective in most OCD cases.
But what does ERP do, exactly? Essentially, in a controlled manner, it teaches one to face the trigger(s) that bring up their obsessions and not exercise their compulsions—compulsions that have the sole aim to reduce the fear that arises when danger is perceived. This danger is not objective, but subjective to the individual (as most, if not everything, is). And, pay attention here, what is feared by the individual with OCD is the POSSIBILITY of a worst-case scenario coming to fruition. Again, I have not seen this talked about anywhere—yes, possibility.
Let’s back up a little bit. You already have clear that compulsions arise from obsessions, with the goal to get rid of fear. When you get rid of that fear, you get a sense of relief, a sense of being done and now being able to move on with your life. This is why it’s very easy to fall into and back into the OCD cycle: as one gets this sense of relief, they are tempted to repeat the same process when their obsessive thoughts come up again. The thing is, compulsions seek OUTER safety—which is why, from them, you can never get true, long-lasting satisfaction!
Compulsions aim to eradicate possibility.
And, I’m not trying to get metaphysical here… but I will, just a little bit :) We, as pure Consciousness, embody identities, we occupy states of being, we manifest possibilities out of the infinite ones there are. Stepping out of the metaphysical way of putting things, I think everyone can recognize that anyone can change their personality and can have anything happen in their lives, and those shifts can be perceived as being positive or negative.
Here’s the catch: a POSSIBILITY cannot be eradicated. It’s a possibility! Everything cannot be everything without being, well, everything. Every possibility exists. Yes, it is possible for me to have left the stove on and have my house to burn down, to have left the door unlocked and have someone break into my house to steal my things and attack me, to have left the faucet running all night and having to pay a higher water bill…
Yes, these things CAN happen, but that doesn’t mean they ever will. Until something is made tangible by us through the Law (conviction-intention), it remains a possibility, unmanifested in our reality. And let’s not forget that we each have our own unique beginning, story, and desires, giving way to differences in the events of our lives. This paragraph is the perfect opportunity to mention that IF the catastrophes OCD (selectively) seeks to avoid were to somehow happen, you can handle them. But, of course, it’s not helpful for me to say this to you if YOU don’t belie-, more than that, KNOW and embody it yourself. It is obvious that if you consider yourself to be incapable of handling a possible catastrophe then you will do everything you can to avoid it in the first place, no matter how this fear of a possibility is taking away from the fact of your present. If you, however, are firm in your capability to handle whatever may present itself, you are affirming inner safety.
OCD’s flawed reasoning:
OCD seeks to eliminate possibility. As we have discussed, this cannot be done. But it is quite insistent! It tells us that if we do compulsions (different types in varying repetitions), what we fear will not come to pass. It seems to ignore, though, that the possibility still exists. OCD creates the illusion of safety from obsessions after compulsions—that is, the illusion of eradication of the possibilities we don’t want to be made manifest. I’m personifying OCD here, but OCD is no person: it is a state of being that we may or may not be occupying at any given moment. Or, to put it in less metaphysical terms, it is a mental health condition that we may or may not decide to incorporate into our identity (although it may seem that we have no choice in the matter).
Why am I saying it creates the illusion of safety? After all, one does “feel better” after doing compulsions in response to obsessions, as they diminish the fear that had arisen. And while it is true that one does get a feeling of relief after compulsions, let me demonstrate something to you with a simple little exercise. Raise both of your arms up. Now, let me ask you this: are your arms raised? Say your reply out loud. Assuming that you followed the instruction, all of you reading this will say yes, maybe questioning why I would ask you this (you’ll see why in the following paragraphs [oh, and you can lower your arms now]).
Well, going off of this example, let’s assume that you fear the possibility of you not having followed my instructions to raise your arms. You believe that if I were to somehow find out, I would certainly get very angry, and that this anger would result in me taking action against you by ruining the reputation of your business (don’t know how I would even find out or if you even have your own business—yes, this scenario is ridiculous, but bear with me). Your business is extremely important to you, it is your passion and life’s work, and its ruined reputation would mean YOUR ruined reputation, loss of clients, and inability to provide for your family. You, of course, don’t want this to happen. But you don’t just want it to not happen (preference), you absolutely cannot let it happen (fear), and you are willing to do anything to protect it. How? Since you perceive that this catastrophe would unfold IF you hadn’t actually raised your arms when I told you to do so, then you, of course, want to make sure that you have raised your arms.
And, with this being a fear, you reaaally want to make sure. Really sure. 100% CERTAIN. So, if you’re 100% certain, no thoughts that question that you raised your arms would pop into your mind, right? RIGHT!? Not quite. In fact, the fear itself will trigger more of these thoughts of doubt. It is through this mechanism that your mind-body try to protect you against the seeming danger: these thoughts (obsessions) and feelings (fear) are there for you to seek safety and get to it. Where is this safety being sought? Outwardly, because of the fear, because of lack of inner safety. Because of lack of confidence in your ability to deal with this possibility IF it were to happen. IF.
So, when you look at your raised arms, you see your raised arms. And you want to say “yes” to my question and move on with your life, but the fear of possibly being wrong and the consequences of this mistake feels all-consuming. Thoughts pop into your mind like “What if I didn’t see right?”, “What if I didn’t raise my arms all the way up?”, “Maybe I didn’t look long enough and missed seeing my arms actually not being up”, “What if my eyes are not working well enough to see my raised arms and they are actually on my sides? (and then you end up spiraling into worrying about your eyes, get blurry vision from the anxiety that reinforces the worry, and it goes on)”… These are the obsessions.
Obsessions are really a great way to describe them, as our mind-body becomes hyperfocused on this single “topic”. You become obsessed with making sure your arms are actually up. How do you go about this? Compulsions! Oh, beloved compulsions (no, not really 😓). Well, the thoughts suggest that “maybe you didn’t look long enough at your arms for you to be completely certain that they are actually raised, and juuust to be sure, you should look at them for a bit longer, you know?”. Okay, sounds easy enough! So you look at your raised arms for 5 seconds more, no, 20 seconds, a minute, but you had to blink! You think: “I’ll look for a few seconds, look away, then look back again… and repeat that for a only few times…”. If you have experience with OCD, you know these few times are, in fact, usually not few at all.
Now, you feel stuck. The combination of the words obsession and compulsion really captures how this pattern unfolds: it’s as if you can’t move on with your life until you reach complete certainty. Here’s the thing: YOU create the certainty. More specifically, you choose to BE certain. And we’re not talking about outward certainty—this is about inner certainty. Not a certainty that this thing will never ever happen (this can backfire, as it can become a compulsion itself of reassurance-seeking), but a certainty that, whatever happens, you are always okay (mindset shift incorporated into embodied identity).
This is now starting to sound a lot like what inner safety is. Until you create (choose) this inner certainty, this inner safety to hold the totality of life, you keep getting sucked into these patterns of outwardly seeking what you inwardly already have but have not yet uncovered. Searching for something that is within in the without can only result in the illusion of having found it—and this only leads to (very) short-term satisfaction. Once the illusion dissolves, you are left with nothing but to resume the search yet again. Short-term satisfaction is not bad per se—that is, when it isn’t actively reinforcing a feedback loop that takes away from your life, rather than add to it. True sovereignty and long-lasting, “non-hectic” satisfaction (not like the one you derive from the obsession-compulsion cycle, in which fear peaks and is then relieved, and in which its continuance progressively increases the difficulty of appeasing the fearful mind-body) results from the freedom to experience existence, unrestricted by fear—and this freedom can be accessed by you, through you.
Problem-solving or “possibility-solving”?
Worth mentioning is the fact that the compulsions also serve as the mind-body’s way of solving a seeming problem. This seeming problem is a situation interpreted as looming danger, and the solution to it can only be to eradicate the possibility of it entirely, as this seeming problem is a possibility and not a (manifested) reality.
Now, for example, if I distractedly placed a flower vase closer to the edge of the table than I normally would and am hit with the instant realization of that fact while walking away, I promptly go back and place the vase closer to the center of the table. There exists the possibility of the vase toppling down onto the floor, and I have just reduced the likelihood of this happening. By how much? Doesn’t matter, at least to most it doesn’t: immediately after doing that small action, they receive the “Done.” feeling (more on it later) of satisfaction, of a job finished and well done. This simple action, by most, would be considered “normal”, and they wouldn’t bat an eye. Of course, this is relative, and some may not even bother moving it, and others may prefer not to keep vases on the table for how topply they are.
I just said the magic word: prefer. Their actions are not driven by fear, but by preference (low vs. high probability). Some “risk” it more than others. And to the ones who do “risk” it more, no real risk is perceived. The others prefer to avoid these “risks” altogether because they’d rather avoid thinking about or incurring unwanted situations. Whatever the case may be, these OCD-free individuals act based on their preferences (everyone does, actually, because even acting out of fear is a preference [desire]—however, for the sake of “clarity” through differentiation, we will keep preference and fear separate). In the case of individuals with OCD, they are driven to act due to fear, which compels them to avoid that which is feared, even though this has not physically manifested. Without OCD, they wouldn’t even bother, but with OCD, they feel like they have to, in order to be safe. Their fear (deviate from course, “I have to…”) overrides their preference (stay on course, “I want to…”), and they think-feel-behave accordingly.
When I say act/action, I am, of course, aware of the thought-feeling-behavior cycle, and I want to shed further light on it: people with OCD have their thought-feeling-behaviors aligned with the state of being of having OCD (along with the other states they occupy), whereas people without it have their thought-feeling-behaviors aligned with other states. Everyone, though, embodies an identity unique to them, occupying a mix of different states of being (everything already exists) at different stages of their Earthly timeline.
Let’s go back to the example of the topply vase. If we were to imagine a scenario of the vase falling, breaking, and someone stepping on it barefoot, one could say that, by moving the vase, I just prevented a catastrophe. But I, the person who moved the vase, perceive the situation at hand as just a simple thought-feeling-behavior process: “Vase too far out. Don’t want vase to fall. Place vase further inside. Good, now leave.”
However, with OCD, the process wasn’t the same: “Vase too far out. Don’t want vase to fall, break, and someone getting hurt! Place vase further inside. G-, wait, let me check. Maybe I should center it better. No, that’s not good enough. Okay, check again. Good, now leave. Aaand turn around to check again to make sure it’s placed well, don’t want anything bad to happen…”. As for feelings, you get the slew of emotions and sensations one would get when they are actively avoiding a threat, and that happening repeatedly throughout the day is quite taxing to the mind-body. Once you finally get to the “Good, now leave” after obsession-compulsions, the relief is great, and so is the temptation to repeat the cycle with the next trigger.
Tangible vs. possible…
Remember: compulsions don’t actually solve tangible present problems at hand (if there even are any), but they attempt to solve possible future problems not at hand (and stress you out in the process). You see where the real problem lies? In that this absurd.
I don’t mean to offend anyone by acknowledging it as absurd, but having had OCD myself (I wouldn’t qualify for a diagnosis now), I eventually realized the absurdity of OCD because I reached a point where I was so fed up with it. And this point was a big stepping stone for me: if it’s REALLY an objective problem (experience I don’t like) in my reality, then I solve it (experience I do like) or I leave it as is and move on (absence of a problem: acceptance of the experience). That’s it, nothing more to it. You either change things or you don’t, you don’t get stuck in a loop. And don’t fall into the trap of changing “all” things (e.g., moving all items in your house to the center of the surface they are on because “they might fall”)—what IS is not what might.
(Side note for those that are metaphysics enthusiasts: is vs. might doesn’t contradict the Law—mentally occupying your desired state leads to you physically occupying it, as well. A thought, without conviction-intention, is not physically manifested. You either are or are not occupying a specific state of being. Manifestation is fun, yes, and it requires radical honesty and radical responsibility on your part. It also requires mastery of holding both attachment and detachment at the same time. I am not advocating for delusion [“delulu” tends to be a term thrown around a lot in the manifestation community and I’m not a fan of it; there are people who become mentally disconnected from physical reality in way that differs from detachment and is pathological].)
Lastly, to finish this part, let me say that to rid yourself of unwanted thoughts, the only options are 1) to get rid of or modify what triggers those thoughts or 2) to train yourself to not act on those thoughts. Why am I mentioning this? Because these unwanted thoughts can become obsessions that lead to compulsions—it’s your mind-body telling you that there is something “pending”. I’ll give you two examples to illustrate this:
1) When not in use, I always put away my heater in my closet, placed on the floor, covered with a plastic bag. I have a dehumidifier close to my closet’s floor, too. Everything was fine, until I began to imagine what-ifs regarding those two items being close to each other. Nothing had ever happened, but I gave into the what-ifs: every night, I would rigorously check if the two items were “separate enough” and if the bag had not somehow come off and covered the dehumidifier. This was quite stressful, so after about a month of losing sleep over this I decided to relocate the heater, placing it in my living room.
Evidently, the “problem” was fixed, and the corresponding worries (unsubstantiated fears) ceased. This “helped” me by eliminating that single OCD cycle, but didn’t support me in eliminating the many others. And, sometimes, the trigger cannot be or gotten rid of or modified and you don’t desire to do so (think OCD subtypes like Relationship OCD, Hyperawareness OCD, and Contamination OCD—one may desire to still be in that loving relationship, to feel at ease in their body and its normal functions, and to do all of the things that lights them up without added worry). You are to consider whether getting rid of the trigger is helpful or unhelpful for recovery—and this takes being radically honest with yourself, for yourself. As always, it is wise to recognize the why behind your actions.
2) I used to struggle to wear my favorite pieces of clothing: whenever I would take them out of the closet and pull them off the hanger, putting them back in their place became increasingly stressful. The stress generated was greatly disproportionate to the action itself. But it had a reason to be there: thoughts about what could possibly go “wrong” if I didn’t “perfectly” put my clothes away would crowd my mind. This, of course, limited how I expressed myself through the clothes I love, opting for not wearing them to avoid the seemingly never-ending cycle of repositioning and checking.
Here, I had to train myself to not yield to these irrational suggestions. How? I acted how I would act were the thoughts not there to begin with. I didn’t try to suppress or replace them (these backfire). Nor did pretend to be someone else (“act as if” may imply fakeness)—I embodied another identity. Following this course, I changed my actions, the feelings changed, and then the thoughts changed.
The “Done.” signal!
The funny thing is that fear actually “interferes” with what I like to call the “Done.” signal. The “Done.” signal is the thought-feeling-behaviors that indicate that a task has been accomplished successfully and satisfactorily. How is this “interference” caused? How? Well, the fear arising from an obsession makes your mind-body become hyperaware of its surroundings, as it perceives it is in danger. Therefore, as concentration is impaired, tasks related to what triggers the obsession become increasingly complicated to be perceived as accomplished.
And that’s not all: the OCD cycle suppresses the “Done.” signal. As you repeatedly think-feel-behave as not having done the task you have actually just done, you teach your mind-body to disregard this signal and its significance. So, the next times one goes to wash their hands, they may scrub them progressively harder, wash them for increasing amounts of time, add to how many times they wash their hands uninterruptedly, etc. This is how the straightforward action of washing one’s hands can become a time-consuming, elaborate ritual that ends up making the individual mentally and physically unwell. And this is not surprising: OCD actually promoted what it sought out to prevent (ill-being) and prevented what it sought to promote (well-being).
The “Done.” signal is part of your mind-body’s innate “firmware”, and OCD can be likened to “software” that has been installed to run automatically, appearing to be so robust as to override everything else. If your mind-body struggles to welcome the “Done.” signal, don’t worry: you can train it to be receptive to this signal again. To do this, you must simply begin to purposely acknowledge it once it presents itself and promptly follow it—that is, assume completion and move onto the next task.
Remember that the “Done.” signal happens instantly once the task is complete, and along with it come feelings of satisfaction, easefulness, and tranquility. Even if these feelings seem to be absent due to fear, the “Done.” signal gets its name because that the best way I can describe it: with a “Done.” (yes, the period is non-negotiable). When you do something in the absence of fear, you think it as done, you feel it as done, and you behave as it being done—in less than a blink of an eye, these happen in succession. Try doing something that you have no fear around and you’ll see what I mean (like the exercise we did where you raised your arms).
I’m not going to lie, I was a bit hesitant to write about the “Done.” signal because it could get misinterpreted as me validating reassurance seeking, which is a compulsion. I am not, in fact, doing so. What I am doing here is, in my own words and understanding, explaining a mechanism “normal” people experience daily. I am proposing a process in which the individual with OCD chooses to respond to a triggering situation by behaving how their OCD-free identity behaves: by following the “Done.” signal, instead of reacting in accordance to OCD fears. However, anything can become a compulsion—yes, even ERP and what I am proposing here. Seek advice from a mental health professional to better understand your individual case and how to treat it.
“What if I make a mistake and my fear really does come true?”
It’s easy for me to simply tell you to accept that “mistakes” are okay, even though they are. When things (seem to) go really, really wrong, that’s where even I may doubt my own words. But this doubt is not as strong enough as my belief that “Everything is happening FOR me”. I’ve thoroughly convinced myself that everything in my life has gone, is going, and will go perfectly, no matter how it may seem to be going. And guess what? My life shows me that I’m right—that’s how beliefs work when they become knowledge and, eventually, beingness.
What makes something a mistake is relative, anyway—YOU assign the meaning to that something. You decide if that something really was a life-shattering mistake that you’ll never recover from, or if it appeared to be a mistake at the time but turned out to be the best thing that could have happened. If you decide that it is the best thing that could have happened, then it presently IS so, and you are witnessing the unfolding of this best thing, even if you don’t know exactly what it is that’s coming—but you do know that’s it’s something great (this has happened and continues to happen to me time and time again, and trust me, it blows your socks off every time it does).
We make mistakes mistakes by assigning that meaning to them. Assigning something the meaning of a mistake can keep one dwelling in the past by replaying the event in their minds, exercising an old mentality and avoiding facing the present, and resigning to merely surviving by not caring about their “ruined” future. The accompanying emotions that stem from carrying the burden of having done something “wrong” (especially if perceived as not being able to be undone or repaired) are guilt, remorse, resentment, and helplessness.
However, if you feel as if your efforts to believe in your perfect life’s story are futile, don’t force yourself into a belief. In my work as a mindset coach, I always teach my clients to flow in life—and this means to lovingly and fully experience the present. Give yourself permission to freely express yourself in whatever way you feel called to. And when the time is right, you will naturally get to where you want to be. There is a paradox here, though, because if you’re always in waiting mode then more wait comes your way. What now, then? One has to learn to “play with paradox”, as I like to call it: immerse yourself in the present as Consciousness experiencing this polar, multifaceted existence, while simultaneously knowing that everything in your life is unfolding perfectly for your highest good.
Embodying your desired identity
Let’s revisit inner safety (yes, this is quite a long post, but I want to give you as much information as I can to help you on your journey [and more posts are on the way!]) and begin weaving it into identity embodiment. What we were saying about OCD seeking outer safety is true, as we previously explored. But how does one get true satisfaction, true freedom? Inner safety, my friend! Remember me mentioning ERP earlier? Well, it’s because it is a great way to cultivate inner safety. Still, I want you to understand the WHY behind it, so that you can effectively use it by seeing the big picture.
Since we’re talking about identity, we can start by mentioning that the tricky thing about OCD (and other mental conditions, like depression, anxiety disorders, and eating disorders [I’ve struggled with these myself]) is when one fully identifies with it. When one incorporates a mental illness into their embodied identity, they condition themselves to think-feel-behave accordingly. Once incorporated into their identity, this individual affirms “I am (their name here), and I have OCD.” Just like that, they are using the I AM, which expresses that which it is followed by. I know I wrote “I have OCD”, not “I am OCD”: this “I have OCD” implies “I AM a person with OCD”, which is what the individual has (unknowingly) assumed for themselves. These types of affirmations are sneaky, shaping your experiences as long as you believe them.
Now, I’m not saying that a diagnosis is bad or that you need to keep your struggles to yourself—this is not the case at all! A diagnosis may show you what state you’ve fallen into (labeling it can help you objectively address it) and a mental health professional can give you desired identity embodiment tools (like ERP) for you to apply to help you shift to a favorable state, and receiving encouragement from someone you trust and who supports your recovery (not someone who’ll constantly remind you of your condition/suffering [identity you with it]) can fuel the fire of your desire to overcome this. A diagnosis can be double-edged sword: we can either identify with it and remain conditioned or we can use it to get clarity on what it is we are to change to recondition ourselves for a fulfilling life.
I see ERP as a tool for identity embodiment: embodying the identity of someone who has inner safety and shows it in every facet of their lives. To me, understanding the WHY behind ERP (which is desired identity embodiment) made a significant difference and my progress skyrocketed: my approach changed and the changes perdured.
Personally, though, I only followed through with practicing ERP for a few months because I found it lead me to inadvertently place too much focus on symptoms (tracking symptoms, although helpful for outwardly measuring progress, gives the spotlight to them) and I completely missed paying attention to the root cause of them (lack of inner safety). With OCD tagging along, I started to venture into mindset work, spirituality, and metaphysics, and I felt extremely drawn to the idea of embodying a new identity in order to change my reality. In short: it worked! And it keeps working. I didn’t start with using it to treat my own OCD; instead, I started with using it in regard to my well-being, romantic relationship, and calling to start my own coaching business. Eventually, I wondered why, if this worked to improve my well-being (mental and physical health), this wouldn’t also work for OCD…
This is why desired identity embodiment (get ready for me to say those 3 words together an exorbitant amount of times 😌) is one of the core teachings I share with my clients through my mindset coaching practice. Embodying the identity of a person with inner safety means that your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors match those of a person that possesses and displays inner safety—and this is incompatible with the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of a person with OCD.
How to embody your desired identity
First, allow me to lay out a few ideas… All is action, if you think about it—yes, even thinking is an action that happens outside of the 3D. Feeling is an action of the soul (body-mind-Spirit), how the action outside of the 3D is made tangible in the 3D. And behaviors are, of course, sets of actions. All is Unity, but compartmentalization helps us unfold the vastness of our soul on Earth.
Also, there is a paradox that presents itself here: to embody an identity is the cause and the change in thought-feeling-behavior is the consequence, and one embodies an identity through thought, feeling, and behavior. Yeah, this sounds contradictory… and here we play with paradox ;) I favor addressing thoughts initially, as all desires that are made manifest start out as thoughts. From a thought, a feeling is generated. This feeling is deemed either “good” or “bad”, beneficial or detrimental: through thought, meaning is assigned to it. Meaning assignment is something we do as incarnate entities to make sense of reality. Once the meaning is assigned, (mental and physical) action is taken, resulting in a behavior.
I like to talk about the thought-feeling-behavior cycle because they all feed each other. It’s a cause-consequence relationship: thought-feeling, feeling-behavior, behavior-feeling, feeling-thought. Thought-behavior and behavior-thought can also be mentioned although feeling is always there, even if not intense enough to be considered significant (if used to something, feelings may be very subtle). Now, I won’t go into depth here about meaning assignment, because that would result in the thought (metaphysical expression)-feeling (physical sensation and emotion)-thought (meaning assignment)-behavior (mental and physical action) cycle, and this post is meant to be simple and practical! Alright, Arella, simple and practical…
First, define your desired identity—for this, I suggest you express them as first-person (I AM), present-tense (only the present exists) affirmations (e.g., “I am whole”, “I am healthy”, “I am safe and free to experience life fully”). You may also choose to use other affirmation formats, such as using “I have”, global statements (Everything is…”, “My life is…”, etc.), and area statements (“My business is…”, “My relationship is…”, etc.) always phrasing them in the present tense. I lean towards using the I AM, though, as you are directly addressing Consciousness. Also, try not to make them neither too specific nor too broad: leave room for your assumptions to physically manifest in unique ways and clearly establish what is it you truly want. Remember that the present moment (which is what always IS) is where (not when, because the present is eternal and we move from states to states) you have the opportunity to choose something new.
Second, think-feel-behave as your desired identity does. Having defined the states that your desired identity occupies, you may have ended up with diverse affirmations that address distinct areas of your life (health, relationships, career, etc.). Here’s where the fun begins—BE them! How, you may ask? To embody your desired identity means to think, feel, and behave as your desired identity thinks, feels, and behaves. Therefore, the steps to follow would be to practice 1) thinking, 2) feeling, and 3) behaving accordingly.
Here’s an example of this process: suppose you assume that “I am safe and free to experience life fully in the way that is best for me”. 1) Thinking: This may seem like the “hardest” part; the more you try to push unwanted thoughts away or try to put wanted thoughts in their place, the more these unwanted thoughts appear to rebel against your efforts. While it is futile to attempt to numb your perception of unwanted thoughts, you CAN avoid going down unwanted thought streams—and this results in the perception of less unwanted thoughts. For the sake of simplicity, let’s differentiate thoughts that are “received” from thoughts that are “conceived”: one presents itself, while the other is presented by you. You may feel like thoughts pop into your mind, while thinking feels like a deliberate action.
To avoid going down unwanted thought streams, you must keep yourself in the current of wanted thought streams. In the face of a triggering thought, yielding to it would pull you down the stream of obsessions. Instead, continue in your desired flow, going about your day as safe and free to experience life fully in the way that is best for you. You’re embodying your desired identity, and your desired identity doesn’t pause their life to ponder whether or not the message they just sent to their partner might not have been “quite right”. In order to change your feeling and behaving, you must be firm in your thinking. Thinking-feeling-behaving can be likened to obsession-disorder-compulsion (ODC?), the disorder signifying the inner disorder (chaos, fear, imbalance) that reflects itself in the outer disorder of the life of the OCD sufferer.
2) Feeling: Here, I’m going to suggest you take a similar approach to that of Behavioral Activation (psychological treatment for depression): take action FIRST, and allow feeling to follow. How does your desired identity feel on a regular basis? Emotionally, are their days mostly (note “mostly“—no emotions are to be suppressed) filled with serenity, trust, and interest? What physical sensations do they feel on a regular basis (the taste of their favorite meals, the warmth of a hug, the energizing effect of a good workout, etc.)? Essentially, you want to embody your desired identity’s regularly experienced feelings by doing that which encourages those specific feelings.
Now, even if no significant change in emotions is noted with the action-first approach, the shift in regularity is already a step forward. Basically, I’m asking you to do the things you love to do that you stopped doing due to OCD taking over your life. Start with incorporating back into your weekly schedule the hobbies you enjoy doing, beginning with those that are the easiest to engage in on a regular basis. Eventually, I want you to get to the point where you’re actively working on your biggest goals, such as getting a degree in your field of interest or rekindling your romantic relationship.
Play in your mind with the thoughts of fun activities that spark your interest, write them down, and pick 3 of those to begin to do on a daily or weekly basis (you can pick one you can do at home, one you can do outside, and one that is part of a big goal you have [e.g., if you dream of having a puppy, watch some training videos and go to the pet store to start getting the required supplies]). If you can’t readily think of any activities that sound fun to you at the moment, I suggest you browse on the internet for hobby ideas and pick at least one that catches your attention.
OCD can be extremely draining, and it’s understandable that one may not feel like having fun when they’re busy “preventing” multiple catastrophes a day. I don’t want you to fight against yourself if all you feel like doing right now is to rest instead of going on that 16-hour trekking adventure that you’ve always wanted to go on, but you can choose HOW you rest. And no, I don’t mean rest as in sleep (although that is valid, too): how about engaging in a “restful” hobby (less physically demanding) that promotes your mental and physical well-being? You may even find that “unrestful” hobbies (more physically demanding) reinvigorate you and it is worth pushing through the initial discomfort—allow yourself to oscillate between “restful” and “unrestful” hobbies.
3) Behaving: what does “I am safe and free to experience life fully in the way that is best for me” mean for you? I encourage you to follow your enthusiasm and see where it leads you: it’s not about logically determining what you “should” do next, but about intuitively following inspired action. “Perfection” is not required—love (commitment and passion) is. For you, this affirmation may express itself in your life through you locking your front door once and being done with it, or it may be you ending up almost 50 meters from the ground in a paramotor (me :D).
Depending on where you’re at, you may still hesitate to do some things that you feel drawn toward—and that’s okay! Begin by doing that which seems less daunting to you and, as inner safety becomes rooted deeper and deeper within yourself, you will naturally take bolder action. Despite this, bolder action taken may feel uncomfortable, even though it is taking you to where you want to go: this is a great opportunity to prove to yourself that you are capable of holding life’s richness of expression.
There, we finished talking about the steps to take! Before I close this part, I want you to know that I don’t want you to “force” change: I want you to “flow” with it. Flowing with it doesn’t mean change will feel comfortable, but it will feel “easy” in the sense of it feeling like the next step in you journey. If it is in your story to overcome OCD completely AND it is your choice to overcome OCD completely (again, paradox), there will come a moment when the desire to continue living under OCD’s “protection” will be overpowered by the desire to live in freedom and fullness. It is the choice between an existence to avoid that which you do not want vs. an existence to accept that which you do want.
OCD presents you with indefinite suffering due to the unknown, while living a full life may present you with temporary pain due to the known. This sounds pessimistic, but when I saw the situation this way it was easier for me to move forward in my recovery: “Hey, even if life can be painful sometimes, I get the chance to live it exactly how I want to live it—and that’s worth it, for me.” When the suffering caused by OCD makes you reach your tipping point, even though moments of pain (discomfort from movement, change) will be present throughout your refinement, you choose these moments instead of a lifetime of suffering (discomfort from stagnation, sameness). And once you’re out of the refining fire, only gold is left.
More tools to change your thinking and embody inner safety
AFFIRMATIONS! Here’s where you can make use of the affirmations you came up with when we were talking about identity embodiment. You have two practical options: 1) repeat them to yourself (out loud or in your mind) or 2) listen to them (record yourself or listen to affirmations audios on YouTube). Initially, I used to repeat them to myself while I went on walks or while doing chores. Eventually, they became ingrained in my subconscious, and I found my mind habitually producing thoughts that reflected the content of my affirmations, naturally producing a shift in my feelings and behavior. One thing I have not stopped doing, however, is listening to affirmations, including rampages (audible) and subliminals (virtually inaudible). Here’s how I have incorporated them into my daily routine, and you can adopt these practices if you feel called to do so:
- Rampages:
- Frequency: Daily
- When?: During morning routine and night routine (~15 min each)
- Subliminals:
- Frequency: Daily
- When?: While working (~2 hr daily)
Always choose to listen to affirmations that feel right for you (High Frequency Guru on YouTube has a great range of lovely rampages and subliminals). Similarly, surround yourself with uplifting content that aligns with your desired life. When doing certain tasks, I listen to audiobooks and podcasts that remind me of my power and reaffirm my faith (I enjoy listening to Brian Scott on YouTube, and I am currently listening to Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza!).
Besides affirmations, a fun practice is to placidly agree with the content of obsessive thoughts. Since fighting fire with fire is futile (we already established that arguing with OCD gets you nowhere), this practice consists in you playfully agreeing with these thoughts’ contents, maintaining the inner conviction of the truth of your new story. It’s not about yielding to the contents—you still think-feel-behave like your new identity does—but about acknowledging the thoughts and accepting their presence. Obsessive thoughts stem from fear and the seeking of safety, and since you already know how to live in faith and welcome inner safety, you allow the thoughts to present themselves and don’t act according to their content.
This placid agreeing is like a mini exposure to feared scenarios (unmanifested possibilities), without responding to (validating) them. This has personally worked for me in regards to OCD and an anxiety disorder: “Oh, my house might burn down, you say? Alrighty, I’m just gonna go carry on with my day.” Suggestion: if you decide to practice this, do so when you are already grounded in your new story (persistently embodying your desired identity).
Leveraging trust
This is super important: trust God. You might be inclined to click away from this article thinking this is just another one of those preachy religious posts—but it is not. I’m not talking about God as religion defines Him: I’m talking about Source, Consciousness, with which and as which you have been eternally existing before occupying your Earthly vessel, with which and as which you exist, and with which and as which you will continue to eternally exist. As always, of the message I am sharing with you, I encourage you to take with you what serves you right now and leave the rest; you may skip this section and jump to the next one. However, I want to explicitly state that at the core of myself and my teachings I maintain that the relationship one has with God is of utmost value.
Trusting in God implies trusting in yourself because it is through you that God acts. To trust in God means to trust in yourself, but I’m not referring to the you that you think you are—it’s pure Consciousness that I’m referring to. God is omnipresent, so He is within you as He is without you; He is everywhere. However, there is no real withinness and withoutness, as everything is one. On the path of seeking Oneness, looking for God in the without leads some to develop a feeling of separateness instead of unity, unity that is found through meditation and prayer. For others, looking for God in the without gives them a sense of comfort that stems from feeling cared for by a power beyond them. A third group of individuals (including me) lives in acknowledgement of God’s omnipresence and recognizes Him acting through all beings.
You trusting in God means you’re relying on infinite wisdom (God’s omniscience) to be guiding your path: it is all perfect. Feeling yourself being carried by something in and beyond you is a (the) gateway to feeling safe in yourself and in the world. To add to this, trusting in God allows you to tap into the infinite power within you (God’s omnipotence) for resiliency and tenacity: resiliency to face your fears and make peace with them through the recognition of them being part of the Everythingness, and tenacity to remain unswayed by negative thoughts and keep believing in and living out your soul’s desires.
Since I somehow ended up mentioning the attributes of God, the last one I want to mention is omnibenevolence. There’s a lot to unpack when talking about this attribute. For now, here is what I hold to be true: God is everything and everything is inherently good. Judging from the Bible, I don’t think most people would describe certain things that God did as “good”. But what even is good? What is bad? We’ve already mentioned meaning assignment, so you’re already aware of the relativity of what is good and what is bad. We see in the Bible how salvation came though crucifixion and how Job ends up with even more than he had before his afflictions—from the “bad”, came the good.
Choosing to see everything as good does NOT mean that you engage in that which you do not prefer; it does mean, however, that you recognize everything as an expression of Source. It also means that you uphold the “Everything is happening FOR me” mindset to be true: despite appearances, everything in your life is unfolding in the best possible way.
Additionally, I view our lives as how Consciousness discovers itself through its expression, through embodying different identities (remember enjoying playing pretend?). For now, I’ll leave it at that, as I don’t want to jump into another long tangent. I’ll say this, though: I am not claiming to have all of the answers or that what I am saying is “right” and nothing else is. I embrace paradox and polarity, accepting that I am here to experience. Of what I say, take only what resonates with you right now and leave the rest.
Now, it’s your turn…
Define your desired identity. Think-feel-behave as your desired identity does. What would you value more: spending yourself in constantly searching for the “perfect” words to use in the article you’re writing, or investing yourself in writing authentic and soulful content that inspires others? Would you spend hours of your day googling to gather information you might use when you have a loving partner wanting to spend time with you right now? Is it worth it to repeatedly check the stove to see if it’s “really” turned off, only to finish that ritual with your stomach in knots just before having that yummy breakfast you prepared for yourself?
That’s all. You can be (embody) any identity: why not be the one you want to be? If you want to live an OCD-free life, I can personally assure you that it IS possible—you need not settle for “managing” OCD for the rest of your life. I decided not to settle for that and I discovered that complete recovery is achievable. At the core, we’re no different, and if I did it, you can, too.
Before I go, let me remind you once again that this post is not medical or psychological advice, so consult a health professional about your individual case. Here, I’m sharing my own experiences and what I’ve learned based on them; if they help you in any way, I’ll be very glad :) Want 1:1 mindset coaching support (dive into mindset shifts, mindset cornerstones, Totality through Individuality…)? Click here for modalities and fees (o haz click aquí para coaching en español)—I am always honored to assist you in your journey 💌 Oh, and I’ve written a post about applying irrelevancy to OCD’s musings, a straight-forward process I’ve come up with to aid you in embodying your desired identity. In that post, I further explore inner certainty as well. So, if you want to keep learning more about living an OCD-free life, click here to read it!
With much love,
Arella
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